


Perfection is Everything

by guineagirl5, iansthighs



Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-14 00:17:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1245643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineagirl5/pseuds/guineagirl5, https://archiveofourown.org/users/iansthighs/pseuds/iansthighs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anthony just wanted to be perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfection is Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Compiled rp, sorry for mistakes, yadda yadda yadda you get the gist enjoy

Anthony was sure he was ready. Well, as close as he could be. He would never be as perfect as he wished, but he could try. And he did. He ate hardly anything, purged when he did, and had started dropping the unsightly pounds quickly. Of course, Ian didn't know. It was a surprise that he would never find out about. Anthony had simply gone on... a diet. Yeah, a diet. He wanted their first time to be /perfect/, and he would make sure of it. 

At the moment, he was staring at his plate of food Ian had made. Yeah, Anthony ate some so he wouldn't seem suspicious. But he knew that soon it would be out of him and out of his guilty mind. "Thanks for the food, babe..." Anthony smiled, kissing Ian's cheek before heading to the bathroom. He lifted up his shirt in the mirror, sighing. He was /so close/, as close as he could get, but still he would get rid of the evil food. Anthony leaned over the toilet, using his perfected skill of vomiting quietly to make him feel empty again. Perfect.

Ian crawled into his and Anthony's bed slowly, yawning widely as he pushed the covers back on Anthony's side. Eyes closing, Ian breathed slowly as he waited for Anthony to arrive. Feeling the bed shift slightly as his boyfriend sat down, Ian quietly pressed closer as he mumbled a small hello.

"Hi..." Anthony murmured, with his fresh minty breath. He felt Ian's hands run over his chest, and he knew what Ian was hinting at. They had talked about it before, but Anthony claimed he wasn't ready. Which was true. Well, he wasn't ready physically.

Ian's arms moved to Anthony's back as he let out a small breath. He realized quickly Anthony wasn't ready, and nuzzled his head against him lightly as he breathed slowly again.

"Do... do you wanna do it?" Anthony asked softly. He really wanted to. He did, and he wasn't going to get thinner despite his efforts.

Ian blinked his eyes open in shock, face flushing as he looked up at Anthony. "R-really? You're ready?"

"I think so... yeah, I am..." Anthony smiled a little, feeling Ian's lips hit his quickly. "Eager?"

Ian smiled into the kiss, rolling on top of Anthony's chest as he pecked kisses to Anthony's chest. "Maybe..." He mumbled into the kiss, smiling as his hands moved down to Anthony's shirt hem. "I love you, you know that? I love you a lot..."

"I love you too... a lot..." He chuckled slightly as Ian's fingers tickled his skin. "I know you've been waiting..."

Ian let out a small hum, trailing kisses down to Anthony's neck. "I'm glad you are..."

Anthony bit his lip, smiling slightly. His fingers tangled in Ian's hair, letting out a pleasured hum as Ian sucked lightly at his skin.

Ian's hands moved slowly up Anthony's shirt, eyes closed as he tugged Anthony's shirt off slowly. His hands felt over Anthony's chest, and he blinked quickly as he felt...bone. Looking down, Ian frowned slightly. "You're so...thin..." He murmured.

Anthony smiled as Ian noticed his progress. "I know, right? I hoped you would notice..."

"W-when did you start losing so much weight...?" Ian asked, slightly confused and upset that Anthony looked so unhealthily thin.

Anthony thought for a moment. "I think... when we got together, I wanted to lose weight, so I did. I had always wanted to..." He muttered, his excitement taking over his ability to see Ian's distress. His arms looped around Ian's neck, trying to bring him in for another kiss.

Ian stayed away, still staring at Anthony's chest. "A-Anthony, you look...unhealthy." Ian said carefully, trying not to freak Anthony out.

"What? What do you mean?" Anthony muttered, smile fading. "I'm perfectly healthy..."

"I can see your ribs, they're poking out of your skin baby..." Ian whispered, shaking his head slowly.

"I... I've always been bony, Ian." Anthony reasoned, trying to make Ian change subject.

"Anth, you were muscle, not bone..." Ian murmured, looking up slowly. "This is skin..."

Anthony sat up, moving away from Ian slowly. "N-no, I never had muscle, that was fat..."

"A-Anthony, please..." Ian whispered, reaching his hand towards Anthony. "It wasn't fat, I promise you."

Anthony stood up, all happiness and security crumbling around him. "You're just saying that... aren't you?" He whispered. "I lost weight, I'm happy!"

Ian's heart broke at those words, quickly shaking his head. "N-no of course not! I love you Anthony, I love everything about you and you were so perfect! I-I mean, you still are but look so sick and sad lately, I'm scared! I'm scared and I just want you to be okay..."

"I'm fine..." He muttered, backing up quickly, heading for the bathroom, his only comfort at this point. He closed the door behind him, sitting against it.

Ian ran towards the door, knocking and pleading with Anthony to open the door. "A-Anthony, please..." He whispered hopelessly, sliding down against the door.

"No, go away..." Anthony mumbled, feeling overdue tears fall.

Ian felt himself start to cry, hands trying the doorknob uselessly. Sitting against the door, Ian's eyes fell shut as he cried. If Anthony wouldn't come out, Ian would wait.

Anthony laid on the floor, quietly undoing the lock when he heard Ian go quiet. He drifted off, wrapping his small body within his arms.

Ian woke hours later, a groan leaving him as he sat up. Back aching from the cold floor, Ian sighed and stretched before blinking his eyes quickly. Hand reaching for the knob, Ian blinked as it turned. Slowly, Ian opened the door and slipped inside as a breath escaped him. Carefully, Ian lied down next to Anthony and pressed himself closer to his sleeping boyfriend. "I-I'm sorry..." He whispered, body shuddering again as he hugged Anthony loosely.

Anthony clutched to Ian in his sleep, having no way for his body to keep warm. He vaguely felt himself get lifted without much difficulty, and was met next with the soft bed.

Ian slipped out of the room, knowing Anthony probably didn't want to see him as he walked down the hallway to the living room. Sitting silently on the couch, a shaky breath left Ian as thought over what Anthony had told him. Was he overreacting? Maybe Anthony was just like that, maybe Ian was getting worked up over nothing... Trying not to cry again, Ian brought his legs to his chest as he breathed shakily and shuddered.

 

When Anthony woke, he was alone in the large bed, shivering from lack of heat. "Ian?" He called helplessly, despite what happened the night before. Anthony just... hadn't been clear, Ian misunderstood. Right?

Ian shuffled into the room slowly, shifting his weight anxiously as he looked down at the ground. "Y-yeah?" He whispered, arms around his waist.

"I-I'm cold..." He whispered, finally feeling some heat as Ian sat slowly next to him. Anthony was aware that his baggy shirt was somewhere on the floor, doing nothing to keep his body heat isolated.

Ian reached down, picking up Anthony's shirt slowly and handing it to him. "D-do you want another blanket?" He whispered.

Anthony shook his head. "No... I want you, you're always warm..." He muttered. "Please?"

"A-are you sure?" Ian asked hesitantly. "After...last night?"

Anthony said nothing, reaching his hand up to grip Ian's arm and pull him down. He sighed as he was warmed immediately.

Ian pressed closer hesitantly, hands running through Anthony's hair. "You know I love you, right?" He whispered.

Anthony nodded, breathing in Ian's smell deeply. "You tell me everyday..."

"S-so you understand why I was...concerned?" Ian asked slowly. "I-I was just worried, I'm so so sorry I upset you..."

"I guess I... I was being selfish. I just wanted to lose weight, and it seemed so easy... I wanna be perfect." Anthony muttered. "I didn't want you to look at me like I wasn't. But you did."

Ian closed his eyes, a small sigh escaping his lips. "You were always perfect...perfect to me." He murmured, swaying them slowly. "You still are, but you just look...sick." Ian said slowly, trying to find the right words. "You're pale and look sick babe, that's all. I was just...surprised."

"I-I'm sorry..." Anthony whispered, starting to shudder. "I'm messed up, aren't I? I need help..."

Ian rocked them slowly, trying to keep Anthony calm. "No, no of course you're not messed up..." He shushed Anthony quietly, eyes closed. "But I will help you okay? I promise, just please stop starving yourself..."

"Okay..." Anthony whispered, muttering more I'm sorry's along the way.

Ian hummed into Anthony's ear, trying to keep him calm as he swayed. "It's okay, sh, I promise it's okay..."

Anthony calmed slowly, pushing himself further into Ian's arms. "I didn't mean to make you mad..." He whispered, sniffling.

"I was never mad, Anthony..." Pushing hair back from Anthony's forehead, Ian pressed soft kisses to Anthony's cheeks, forehead and lips before pulling away. "Never, I was and never have been mad at you because of this." He promised quietly.

Anthony nodded again, finally staying quiet. His eyes drooped shut in exhaustion. "I love you..."

"I love you, Anthony..." Ian murmured, finally relaxing as Anthony did. "I love you so, so much..." Humming again quietly, Ian tried to lull Anthony to sleep.

Anthony fell asleep, curling into Ian's chest. Ian's fingers running through his hair made him relax completely.

Ian slowly fell asleep as Anthony did, breathing soft as he pressed his face into Anthony's hair. He could tell this would be hard, but he was determined to help Anthony.

~The Next day~

Anthony stared warily at his plate of food, knowing that this time, he would have to keep it down. The thought scared him. "Ian, I can't..."

Ian rubbed Anthony's back slowly, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Anthony, it's okay. You don't have to eat it all, but try? For me?" He asked quietly. "If you relapse, it's okay. It's going to happen, but I won't love you any less. I promise."

Anthony shook slightly as he took a bite of the small sandwich Ian had made for him. He chewed a bite slowly, feeling Ian watching him. When he swallowed, he heard Ian sigh in relief.

Ian continued to lightly rub Anthony's back as he ate, whispers encouragement when he stopped or hesitated. "I love you..." He whispered.

Anthony stopped halfway through, already feeling sick at the feeling of food in his stomach. "I-I'm done..."

Ian nodded, taking the plate carefully from Anthony's hands. "That's good, you did so good..." He promised, smiling slightly. "I love you, and thank you Anth."

Anthony nodded, setting his hand over his stomach as Ian put the plate in the sink. "I don't know how long I can keep it down...”

"Just try baby, and I'll be ecstatic." Ian leaned down, pressed soft kisses to Anthony's pale cheeks. "I'm so proud of you, you know that?" He murmured.

Anthony hesitantly nodded, moving into Ian's open arms. "Thanks..."

Ian hugged Anthony to him, resting against the table as he rocked them slightly. "I love you..."

"Love you too..." Anthony mumbled, clutching onto Ian's shirt. His stomach protested at the food, but he managed to keep it down as he felt the urge to puke.

Ian rocked them gently, pulling Anthony gently to the couch and sitting him down. Continuing to whispered to him quietly, Ian sighed as he looked down at Anthony. This was a start, but he could see how much further they would have to go, together.

~2 days later~

Anthony sat on the floor next to the toilet, finger nearly jammed down his throat. He kept telling himself to stop, to not disappoint Ian again. He finally pushed his finger further, feeling the familiar lurch of his stomach, right as he heard Ian padding down the hall.

Ian froze in front of the closed bathroom door, hearing Anthony reaching quietly into the toilet. Sitting down across from the door, Ian rested his head on his knees as he waited for Anthony to open the door. The toilet flushed, and Ian let out a shaky breath.

Anthony leaned over the sink, swishing mouth wash around in his mouth. He spit it out, opening the door and was not surprised to see Ian sitting in the hall. "I-I'm sorry..." He whispered shakily.

Ian stood up slowly, a small breath escaping him as he slowly reached for Anthony's hands. "I-I love you." He promised. "I know you want to stop, and I know it's going to be hard. But it's going to be worth it, because I promise you'll be happy and health and loved by everyone. I /promise/ you."

Anthony stared at the floor, feeling sick from guilt this time. "But I know it hurts you when I do this, I'm sorry, I failed, I..." He whispered, taking a deep breath.

"Honestly Anth? Yes, I am a little hurt." Ian said slowly. "But not because you relapsed. I'm upset because you're hurting and there's nothing I can do...you didn't fail. You got back up didn't you? You're fighting, and I'm proud."

Anthony shook his head slightly as Ian pulled him in for a hug. He hugged back tightly. "I'm trying." He whispered.

"And I'm proud of you..." Ian murmured back, rocking them as Anthony shook. "I love you..."

"I love you..." Anthony repeated. He was trying. He wanted Ian to feel like he was okay, and he would do anything for that. Ian would always be there, no matter what.


End file.
